Sketch with Kim

I'm done with school. Yay.
But all is not unrotten in Denmark. No. I'm still jobless, though not for lack of trying. It's an ugly setup--I'm getting pretty desperate. I actually seriously considered trying my hand at being a barista. I've wondered if the 3:30 am Donut-Frying Job is still available at Lee's. But, most alarming of all, I somehow ended up with an interview in the shady backroom of Hastings Entertainment.

It wasn't easy to get, neither. I had to apply online, interrogate Tattoo Dan, browse the risque Pop/Rock selection, withstand the stench of Seattle's most peculiar coffee, and stand precariously close to a stand of Glenn Beck books. "As seen on Glenn Beck!" Shut up, Glenn Beck. A gay couple actually pointed and snickered at me and my backdrop of psychotic punditry.

Anyways, after all these trials, I finally met with Manager Kim, who led me through a set of double doors into the shipping and stocking room at the rear of the store. It was scary. Very, very scary. I mean, I've seen dungeons in video games with more charm, vim, vigor, and charisma than that lurkhole.

Manager Kim proceeded to ask me some standard job-interviewy questions. "How many times have you stolen from an employer?" "Would you feel more comfortable using the PF22 Smashslasher or counting large stacks of money?" "Please name a scenario outside of any cosplay conventions in which you showed responsibility."

Things were going according to plan, and I was even starting to appreciate the gloomy feng shui that the Hastings bowels featured. All was well until a startled looking sales associate pushed through the doors behind me. "The cops are here. They say they've just picked up a kid with some stolen merchandise he admitted to stealing from us." Manager Kim pondered this for a moment, stroking his almost-beard. "Well, I'd like to press charges. That's the only way he'll learn."

For a moment, I was concerned that Manager Kim would ask me for my opinion on what should be done for this miscreant. Should I take the Aladdin approach? "CUT OFF HIS HAND!" Should I take the Solomon approach? "CUT THE BABY IN HALF!" Alarmingly, I found myself thinking increasingly of solutions involving cutting something. What was wrong with me? Hastings' inherent darkness was apparently staining my otherwise shiny morals. Luckily for me, Manager Kim was not interested in my opinion. He thanked me for my time, shook my hand, and led me out of the darkness.

In the walk up to the front of the store, presumably to meet with the police, he asked me what I planned to major in. I admitted that I didn't know exactly what I wanted to focus on, but that I hoped to reach a conclusion soon. Staring straight ahead with a sorrowful look on his face, Manager Kim muttered, almost to himself, "Well, I hope things work better for you than they do for me."

That was enough. I shook his hand again, thanked him for his time and for the interview, and ran screaming from the store. I don't want to end up like Manager Kim. I don't want to creep slowly into that dark place for minimum wage. The blackness in that pit is certainly not worth 15-20 hours a week.

To balance against this, I've applied at Deseret Book. See? I'm a good person!

Also, kudos to Marouane Chamakh, my new favorite Moroccan.